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MALAYSIA Tanah Tumpah Darahku

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Tuesday, March 19, 2024

TUESDAY JOKES - 204

 

Bukit Parapat, Semporna, Sabah, Malaysia.

A guy calls a law office and says: "I want to talk to my lawyer."
The receptionist replies, "I’m sorry, but he died last week."

The next day he phones again and asks the same question. 

The receptionist replies, "I told you yesterday, he died last week."

The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. 

By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says, "I keep telling you, your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"

The guy says, "Because I just love hearing it!"

 

 Patient: "Doctor! There's a fly in the ointment!"

Doctor: "Yes, I know, he's recovering from a nasty soup-burn!"


The Sunday school lesson for the day was about Noah's Ark, so the teacher decided to get her small pupils involved by playing a game in which they identified animals.
"I'm going to describe something to you. Let's see if you can guess what it is.
First: I'm furry with a bushy tail and I like to climb trees."
The children looked at her blank.
"I also like to eat nuts, especially acorns."
No response. This wasn't going well at all!
Finally, a kid volunteered:
"Well, I know the answer has to be Jesus....but its sure sounds like a squirrel to me!"

 

Most men are like bank accounts...

When they don't have a lot of money, they don't generate much interest!

 

A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit, the wife being pregnant with their first child.

After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife's stomach with indelible ink.

The couple was curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, the husband got out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was. 

In very tiny letters, the stamp said, "When you can read this, come back and see me!"

 

Why did the tomato turn red?

It saw the salad dressing!

 

A little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said, "I'm so happy to see you, Grandma. Now maybe Daddy will do the trick he has been promising us."
The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that, my dear?" she asked.

The little boy replied, "I heard Daddy tell Mommy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit us again!"

 

Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. 

St. Peter informed them that in order to get into heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They made a movie about it.” The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St. Peter let her through the gate.
St. Peter turned to the garbage man and figuring heaven didn’t really need all the foul odour this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?” But the trash man had seen the movie, too, and he answered, “about 1,500.”
“That’s right! You may enter,” said Peter.
Then St. Peter turned to the lawyer and said, “Name them all!”

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Govt’s agreement with Spanco remains in effect, says finance ministry

 

Spanco Sdn Bhd is being investigated by the Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission on why it was given the job of managing the government’s vehicles.  (Spanco pic)

PETALING JAYA: Putrajaya’s agreement with Spanco Sdn Bhd, the company handling the procurement and management of the government’s fleet of vehicles, remains in effect, says the finance ministry.

“The government has always ensured that the procurement agreement with Spanco to supply, maintain, and manage the government’s vehicle fleet is carried out according to requirements, complies with procurement procedures, and undergoes all necessary due diligence,” the ministry said.

“The contract is still ongoing, based on the terms agreed on between the government and Spanco.”

The ministry said this in a written parliamentary reply dated March 12 to Lim Lip Eng (PH-Kepong) on whether the contract with Spanco had caused harm to the country and if termination was warranted in the event that it was detrimental.

Spanco reportedly held the concession to supply and manage the government’s fleet of vehicles from 1993, although this ended in 2019.

An open tender was launched that year, as a joint venture between Berjaya Group and Naza Sdn Bhd reportedly secured a letter of intent for the deal.

Spanco is currently being investigated by the Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission (MACC) as to why it was given the job of managing the government’s vehicles.

Several figures, including key government officials and a businessman, are expected to explain the matter to MACC.

In February, Prime Minister Anwar Ibrahim said the government’s agreement with Spanco was “hurting” the country and did not “sit well” with civil servants. - FMT

Adequate clean water supply in Membakut

 The clean water supply in Membakut is reportedly sufficient. - File pic credit (Sabah First Info)

MEMBAKUT: The clean water supply in Membakut is reportedly sufficient, with the local Water Storage Facility (LTA) capable of supplying up to 17 million litres per day (MLD), Sabah First Info reported.

Membakut Assemblyman Datuk Dr Mohd Arifin Mohd Arif confirmed that the supply not only supports Membakut but also extends three MLD each to Kuala Penyu and Bongawan, among other areas.

"Thankfully, our water situation in Membakut is under control, and in line with the Chief Minister's directive, the water aid was initiated a few weeks ago, which we hope will facilitate our needs," he said.

The water storage capacity in Membakut stands at 10.5 million litres, with one tank holding 4.5 million litres and another containing six million litres, ensuring a substantial reserve for the district.

Arifin made these remarks following a visit to the LTA Membakut and while distributing clean water to the residents of Ulu Membakut.

As the Minister of Science, Technology, and Innovation for Sabah, Arifin urged the local community to maintain their health during the current hot weather and requested community leaders to report any areas or households in need of water assistance. - NST

AUKU amendments give more autonomy to students, says USM student council

 Universiti Sains Malaysia Student Representative Council president Muhammad Nazmi Hakimi Mohd Eirman says the latest amendments to the Universities and University Colleges Act will give more autonomy to students. NSTP file pic

GEORGE TOWN: Universiti Sains Malaysia's Student Representative Council (MPP) has lauded the amendment to the Universities and University Colleges Act (AUKU) 1971.

Its president Muhammad Nazmi Hakimi Mohd Eirman said the amendments gave more autonomy to students, in line with the Higher Education Ministry's student empowerment agenda.

He said the amendments also focused on the permission to collect money, receive donations and coordinate funds to student bodies, coordination of the MPP election period based on the academic year calendar as well as strengthening of student disciplinary governance practices.

"The effect of this AUKU amendments will further strengthen student leadership through the efficiency of financial management by student organisations.

"This is one of the efforts in taking steps towards the empowerment of autonomy and freedom in the organisation of programmes.

"In addition, the coordination of the MPP election period, which is more organised according to the academic year, will improve the student democracy process and the MPP membership period itself," he said.

Nazmi said the USM student council was of the opinion that the tenure of MPP membership would remain guaranteed.

Furthermore, he said, the strengthening of governance practices related to the student disciplinary committee would also be more systematic and orderly.

"There is great hope that these AUKU amendments can be realised immediately and be well received by all parties involved.

"USM MPP is always committed to supporting any effort in realising the student empowerment agenda and fighting for the students' right to freedom," he added.

It was reported that after a long and arduous process, the amendments to the AUKU which would give freedom to students in several matters were passed in the Dewan Rakyat yesterday.

The amendments, tabled by Higher Education Minister Datuk Seri Dr Zambry Abdul Kadir, aimed to realise the agenda to empower students and cultivate student movements in Malaysia.

Zambry said the bill also represented a "progressive" initiative by the government towards empowering students to better manage their lives upon entering adulthood. - NST

Ringgit opens weaker vs US$ on lack of buying interest

 

KUALA LUMPUR: The ringgit opened lower against the US dollar today due to the lack of buying interest, as cautious sentiments surrounding the Bank of Japan’s (BoJ) monetary policy decision continued to prevail.

At 9.15 am, the ringgit depreciated to 4.7225/7265 against the greenback from Monday’s close of 4.7165/7195.

Bank Muamalat Malaysia Bhd chief economist Dr Mohd Afzanizam Abdul Rashid said market players will be focusing on BoJ’s monetary policy decision today due to expectations that the Japanese central bank will end its Negative Interest Rate Policy and Yield Curve Control.

Apart from that, he said market participants will also be observing the United States Federal Open Market Committee (FOMC) meeting which will begin today and end tomorrow.

On that note, the ringgit is expected to remain soft in light of the cautious trading mode, he said to Bernama.

"However, positive data from China yesterday offers some hope that the second-largest global economy is gaining some traction following a series of economic and monetary stimulus,” said Mohd Afzanizam.

Meanwhile, the ringgit was traded mostly lower against a basket of major currencies.

It decreased vis-a-vis the Japanese yen to 3.1631/1660 from 3.1608/1630 on Monday, fell against the British pound to 6.0070/0121 from 6.0060/0098 yesterday but rose versus the euro to 5.1338/1382 from 5.1400/1433 previously.

At the same time, the ringgit traded mixed against other ASEAN currencies.

It weakened versus the Thai baht to 13.1104/1262 from 13.1050/1203 at Monday’s close and slipped against the Indonesian rupiah to 300.9/301.3 from 300.5/300.9 yesterday.

However, the local note was almost flat against the Singapore dollar at 3.5258/5291 from 3.5253/5278 on Monday and increased against the Philippines’ peso to 8.48/8.49 from 8.49/8.50 previously. - Bernama

KPM akur kehendak ibu bapa tak faham pentaksiran bilik darjah, kata pakar

 

Hasnah Toran berkata sukar untuk masyarakat hendak lari daripada sistem peperiksaan kerana telah sebati sejak sekian lama. (Gambar Bernama)

PETALING JAYA: Menghentikan pelaporan tahap penguasaan Ujian Akhir Sesi Akademik melalui kaedah Tahap Penguasaan (TP) bermula sesi akademik 2024/2025 dibimbangi membuatkan murid khususnya di sekolah rendah cenderung terpisah dari segi akademik, kata pakar pendidikan.

Hasnah Toran dari Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia (UKM) menyifatkan pengumuman Menteri Pendidikan Fadhlina Sidek semalam yang penilaian kembali berdasarkan peratus dan gred, menunjukkan mereka akur dengan kehendak ibu bapa yang tidak faham pelaporan TP di bawah Pentaksiran Bilik Darjah (PBD).

Pengumuman Fadhlina itu sebahagian langkah persediaan pelaksanaan Kurikulum Persekolahan 2027 yang menumpukan penguasaan literasi, numerasi dan pembentukan karakter murid.

Menurut Hasnah, sukar untuk masyarakat hendak lari daripada sistem peperiksaan kerana telah sebati sejak sekian lama.

“Sebenarnya PBD bertujuan mewujudkan murid cinta ilmu dan belajar bukan semata-mata kejar A…cuma berlaku gelinciran apabila pelaporan melalui TP menjadi berpusat.

“Guru pula tidak diberikan kuasa putuskan macam mana nak buat laporan menyebabkan mereka merungut kerana TP tambah beban tugas,” katanya kepada FMT sambil berharap amalan menentukan kedudukan murid dalam kelas tidak diperkenal semula.

Beliau berkata tiada masalah kembali kepada penetapan gred A, B atau C tetapi jangan letak kedudukan murid itu.

“Itu ibarat mengkategorikan mereka sehingga membentuk jati diri, menjadikan penerimaan mereka untuk pembelajaran semakin mengecil sebab percaya dirinya tak pandai,” katanya.

Setiausaha Kluster Pendidikan dan Pembangunan Modal Insan Majlis Profesor Negara Anuar Ahmad pula berkata pengumuman itu sememangnya melegakan ibu bapa yang tidak memahami kaedah penilaian prestasi anak masing-masing.

“Pertama sekali PBD akan dipermudahkan dan ibu bapa juga boleh akses sistem pengurusan pentaksiran bersepadu.

“Ibu bapa boleh tahu prestasi anak, sebelum ini dengan TP tak faham kerana telah biasa guna peratus serta gred,” katanya. - FMT

Foreign workforce not to blame for unemployed local grads, says minister

 

The government says that based on a 2022 study, 53,257 engineering graduates had been hired, while only 3,495 were unemployed. (Bernama pic)

PETALING JAYA: The foreign skilled workforce is not to blame for the unemployment rate among local graduates, higher education minister Zambry Abdul Kadir said.

He said there are various reasons why many Malaysian graduates are jobless, including the low wages offered, and being “picky”.

Zambry was responding in a written reply to Shahidan Kassim (PN-Arau), who asked about the number of engineering graduates who remain unemployed after completing their studies.

Shahidan also questioned whether the ministry is aware of the influx of foreign workers in the country despite the unemployment situation of many Malaysians, including university graduates.

Zambry said that based on a 2022 study, 53,257 engineering graduates had been hired, while only 3,495 were unemployed.

He also revealed that fresh graduates under the age of 25 made up the bulk of the unemployed, although he did not provide any figures.

In November last year, the department of statistics said the number of graduates in skill-related underemployment rose by 7.9% in 2022 to 1.68 million, compared to 1.55 million in the preceding year.

In January, investment, trade and industry minister Tengku Zafrul Aziz said the government was mulling a proposal to allow foreign graduates of local higher education institutes to work in Malaysia amid a talent shortage, especially in certain technologically advanced value-added sectors.

The proposal was criticised by both Cuepacs and former Umno leader Isham Jalil on grounds that it would lead to lower wages and a rise in unemployment among local graduates - FMT